Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
