let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
