before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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