I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
