Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
