Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
