haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
