You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
worst night to have a conscience
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
