mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
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