my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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