Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
