She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
