I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
