I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We left an ass print on the piano.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
