ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
What happened to fro yo and sex?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
