Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
