I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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