Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
