You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
