you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
