he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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