btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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