I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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