you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
