U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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