I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
