Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
