I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
