Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
