The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Randomize
