Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
