Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
