everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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