dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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