the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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