WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
