can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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