accomplished twins. life is a go
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
