forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
