I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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