There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
