i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
