This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
