suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
