Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
