God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
