My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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