OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
