Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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