Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
