I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
