return my video game
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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