two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
