He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
